Taking Care of Your Tender Heart
Valentine’s Day is coming soon; my favorite holiday. Valentine’s Day has always been a treasure to me: the boxes in grade school, decorated with hearts, filled with sweet cards and candy. The feel-good love notes from friends and family. The time where that warm, fuzzy feeling of love is encouraged. I created a Valentine’s Day party at my work in college and, deep into my adult years, give those I love a tender note to tell them I love them every year. I know there are those who eschew the day, looking at the half-empty glass, but I say that this life is full of color, beauty, and wonder, and we can use it, or any day, to tell the important people in our lives how much we care about them.
To that note, let’s also tell our own hearts how much we love ourselves.
Tending to the care of your heart is an important life skill, because when the world tosses you in its waves, it’s you who must ultimately pull yourself up. You and your connection to Spirit. So cultivating our ability to care, and do caring deeds, will help us throughout our lives.
When clients come to me, many are being tossed by the giant waves of life. They’re in romantic torment, or they’ve lost loved ones, or they feel like they’re at a crisis in their lives and don’t know where to walk into the future. My job during this time is to provide tissues, a soft and caring voice, and to be that tender person caring for them with respect and love.
So how do you cultivate your own self-mothering spirit?
First, one thing you can do is find out your love language and prep in advance. My love language is gifts so, when I’m in a calm moment, I will purchase myself some small, tender gifts. A mug perhaps, or a candle. I splurged once and got a tiny aromatherapy set. I also have a cigar box with chocolate, some money, some bath salts, etc. inside. When I’ve been hurt in some way, then I turn to my tiny little stash and will select one gift and, believe it or not, I feel better. Nourished. It’s always a comfort. So what’s your love language? Then how can you turn that into a prep item for the future? If it’s words of encouragement, you can get a book of loving quotes and leave it someplace special. Or ask your friends to tell you what they love about you, then print those up and save them. If it’s spending time with people, then you can create a tiny envelope, deposit small bits of money over time, and take you and a friend out when rain falls and you need it.
Energetically, it’s nice to create space by cutting cords. This is a very simple technique that most everyone who works with energy talks about. If anything, it creates a sense of peace because it feels like you’re taking care of your space. So visualize your energetic body, and see if there are any cords coming off of you. Keep the cords that symbolise connections to your children and, if you want, any important people in your life–you can ask that they become invisible in this meditation. Then you take all of the other visible cords and simply release them. You can gather them up in an energetic hand, take them to your second chakra, and unhook them from your field. Now fill yourself in with a golden sun of beautiful, universal energy.
What makes you feel good? In You Are a Badass at Making Money, Jen Sincero says to look at all elements of your life–your car, your clothes, your home, your office, and elevate one thing in each. For me, this would be washing my car, painting my nails, cleaning my office, and new shoes. Try the exercise and list out different elements of your life and see what little changes you can make today. This helps.
Finally, what’s in your self care list? While you’re doing well, make a list of the things that help you feel good. Is it doing a yoga video, going for a run, changing clothes, taking a shower? Then, when you’re being tossed by the waves, look at your list and pick a few options and do them. For me, it’s writing in my journal, meditating deeply, and speaking with a professional about whatever’s bothering my heart. A friend of mine insists on the healing properties of chocolate, so I’ve added that to my repertoire, too.
What about you?
As we move into the sea of our lives, plan for the beautiful, blue waters and white beaches with fish under the surface and red, scintillating sunsets. But also plan for deep blue waters and hard times. For the big waves. And know that you are your only friend in those moments, so you have the power to turn to yourself and say, “I love you, I am here. I can depend on me.”
I purposely said “me,” and not “myself,” because it feels more personal and strong in that moment, like you are both the person suffering and the person giving yourself the helping hand, the tender love, the hug. You can depend on you.
Biggest of hugs,